Waited to post this until I had some time and the picture available.

On October 30th, this ravishing beauty turned 15 years old. As the saying goes, a daughter starts out a little girl and becomes a friend. This young woman is really starting to turn heads as she rightfully should. She is not only beautiful on the outside, but she is even more beautiful on the inside. She is intelligent, witty, hilarious, and looks so much like me that people swear that we are twins (Thank God she loves looking like me or this could get ugly! :) I am so proud of her. She's been through a lot in her 15 years gracing this planet, but she has such a strength and wisdom about her that belies her age. I'm the luckiest mom alive to be blessed with her and I hope she knows this!

As Toby Keith would say it's time to talk about me! Still working up the divorce. Attorneys don't come cheap and paying bills is a priority over getting unhitched at the moment. Although it isn't like the STBXH was in an all fired up hurry to get divorced before. Different now! Relationship with Jr. High School crush continues. :) Thinking about him definitely puts a huge smile on my face. Starting back on Atkins after Thanksgiving and will be doing some major cleaning my seven days off. Time to purge this place and get ready for the future. Sad and invigorating at the same time. It means I will have to go through memories and put them into boxes in real life as well as in my head. It will definitely be some work. The house is a wreck! The 65+ hours of work and school I have been putting in haven't been conducive to a clean house. My room is the catchall for all the miscellaneous stuff that doesn't have a home. Time to rectify it!

I hope all is well with all my tblog fans! :)  

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine this past evening and it really got me to thinking about my current relationship and my relationships from my past. I am someone who has always kept a scorecard in my relationships. I would give all that I had in order to illicit a response from the person I was with instead of my giving being something I did because it made me feel good to do so. I kept score of how much I gave and expected the other person to measure up to me. This lead to many expectations that were rarely met on the part of my ex partners. I am not trying to be conceited, but I do have to admit that I am a very giving person and that included my money, my time, my effort, and my body. That meant that if I wanted to please whoever I was with, I would do whatever it took to make them happy even to my own detriment. This also led to resentment as I was expecting them to do the same for me in return.

 I have decided that I don't want to live a life filled with scorecards any more. I want to give to my partner and it be freely and without expectations. I want to appreciate him for who he is and what he has to offer. I don't want to attempt to make him measure up to a male version of myself. I want to love him and give to him and in return realize that what he gives me is what he is capable of and I have no right to demand anything more than what he freely gives of himself.

I believe that this has totally freed up my heart and has allowed me to heal. My crush has my heart now and it is whole. I will spoil him as he has never been spoiled before and I will accept the love he gives me. Because in all honesty he spoils me, too! I don't believe I have ever felt so precious or exquisite in my entire life. I'm so very lucky and I know this.

Life without scorecards will be new for me, but it will definitely keep my life sane! And we all know that a little bit of sanity in my life will be extremely appreciated!