I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine this past evening and it really got me to thinking about my current relationship and my relationships from my past. I am someone who has always kept a scorecard in my relationships. I would give all that I had in order to illicit a response from the person I was with instead of my giving being something I did because it made me feel good to do so. I kept score of how much I gave and expected the other person to measure up to me. This lead to many expectations that were rarely met on the part of my ex partners. I am not trying to be conceited, but I do have to admit that I am a very giving person and that included my money, my time, my effort, and my body. That meant that if I wanted to please whoever I was with, I would do whatever it took to make them happy even to my own detriment. This also led to resentment as I was expecting them to do the same for me in return.

 I have decided that I don't want to live a life filled with scorecards any more. I want to give to my partner and it be freely and without expectations. I want to appreciate him for who he is and what he has to offer. I don't want to attempt to make him measure up to a male version of myself. I want to love him and give to him and in return realize that what he gives me is what he is capable of and I have no right to demand anything more than what he freely gives of himself.

I believe that this has totally freed up my heart and has allowed me to heal. My crush has my heart now and it is whole. I will spoil him as he has never been spoiled before and I will accept the love he gives me. Because in all honesty he spoils me, too! I don't believe I have ever felt so precious or exquisite in my entire life. I'm so very lucky and I know this.

Life without scorecards will be new for me, but it will definitely keep my life sane! And we all know that a little bit of sanity in my life will be extremely appreciated!